Monday, July 5, 2010

Kinda, I am done

Every family has their baggage. I have first cousins on my Dad's side of the family I never met until my Grandma died in 2001. As a matter of fact one of the cousins I had never met had never even met his own brother until that same time - it had been nearly 40 yrs. So I know what a little mustard seed of hurt feelings can do to a family.
I have tried to keep my family relationships tight. I always wanted my kids to know their cousins like best friends and to have relationships with their extended cousins as well.
But now it seems that we are at a cross roads of sorts. I am kinda done doing the leg work. I understand now, that I am an adult, the reason I didn't have as close of relationships with my family from Alabama and most of my cousins is because my family didn't think it was important while I was growing up. We never traveled to visit my Alabama family, I have as an adult. And for the most part most of my cousins despite all living in the Las Vegas/ Henderson area were Christmas, Thanksgiving and Easter family. It is sad. I know. I didn't want that for my kids. Even being so far away I have tried very hard to be more then that.
Frustrated in May by my own family I decided to impose a break - I haven't talked to anyone in my family since May 28th, 2010. My frustration didn't all arise from me being butt hurt about my feelings but I also thought that people weren't being as supportive of other changes as I thought, so ok - I took a break, I didn't intend on it to last this long originally, but it has. And the funny thing is I am not sure anyone but my sister knows I am ignoring them! haha My brother probably hasn't even realized that I am not talking to them. Awesome! I mean, I deleted every one's numbers from my cell phone as not to accidentally text them in a moment of weakness! haha Although, I miss my sister, I am still not sure I am over being over looked. I know it is that mustard seed. Starts out so small.

That moment of weakness nearly came this weekend. I almost had to call Holly. She would have been the first person that I called in this situation normally.
Don's family doesn't escape the crazy family drama loop. Nope, not at all! He has family who live in the area. We haven't seen them since Christmas. I have invited them to school functions and dinners and such and I used to just think it was their busy and opposite work schedules which kept them from coming by. But alas, I have had an eye opening weekend! Apparently, I have done something so criminal that they will not return phone calls, texts or emails which I have inquired if there has been a problem between them and me, since I have noticed things to be stale. They didn't respond, so I didn't think of it. Well, this weekend Don had other family in town an the CC area family had a big cookout w/ their entire family (who are all locals) and then the out of town family and then invited Don's step daughter and her family....and not us! Could we get a bigger F-U! What a slap in the face. If you are going to be upset at me for something that I have said or done, real or imaginary - shouldn't you give me the courtesy of telling me what it was so I could at least defend myself. Perhaps, they are pissed at Don...perhaps. I really wished we could all clear the air! I want to be able to apologize or defend myself - but I don't know what or who or why I would be apologizing at this point.
So we have a mustard seed growing among Don's family. They are offended by something and need to distance their selves from us - and at this point, I actually think they owe me an apology for being so rude~ fine don't invite me to your shin dig ~ it is your house and you don't have to invite anyone you don't want to. But I am not making excuses for you anymore either, so when Brooklyn asked me, "Why didn't we go to their house to have homemade ice cream sandwiches?" I said, "I am not sure - we weren't invited - why don't you call them and ask". I can't even tell her why we weren't invited. What a load of shit, honestly. So my kids won't know you and you won't know my kids? Is that what we want from this? The line has clearly been drawn in the sand. And at this point without a meeting of the minds, which doesn't seem like it will happen - my kids are in Carson City with NO Stepro Family. It is hard to say, but I feel like that is the way they want it. Be pissed off at me or Don all you want - but why are you taking it out on my kids? So needless to say, I have deleted phone numbers from my phone - don't want to text people who don't like me. and the same w/ Facebook - not going to be facebook friends with people who don't want to be friends in real life.

Ok, so any ways... I guess I am just kinda done for now - I am done investing more into people then I am seeing returned. The peacemaker side of me wants everyone to just be happy an to get along and I want to be able to call my sister again. But the other part of me thinks, I am too busy, I have my own family to worry about - and if I can go over a month not talking to my own family I can surely go years not talking to my husbands. My Aunt on my Dad's side got offended back in the 70's and I didn't meet my cousin until 2001. It sucks. I never thought my family would splinter - I know my family will be fine - we will start talking again as if nothing happened - but I don't know about Don's. This seems pretty final.

I guess even Job would have to raise the white flag eventually. No one can be that patient and long suffering for ever...right? I guess it is time for me to foster a relationship of family within my own kids and pray they are better at it then my own family and Don's have been. It doesn't matter what happens you are family, right?

1 comment:

Erica said...

what I meant when I said I wasn't seeing what I invest in my relationships, is I don't expect a dollar for dollar return. I don't put money in a CD and expect to make 100%. I am willing to invest my $500 in our personal bank account if I see $5.00 a quarter. But like Brooklyn's 529 college fund I have lost more than 50% of what I have invested in my personal accounts. Doesn't seem like a winning strategy.